Remember Fawlty Towers, that wonderful BBC send up of a put upon hotel owner and his staff? Well, I had my own Fawlty Towers moments recently, during a stay at the Megapode Nest Hotel in Port Blair, en route to Havelock Island in the Andamans for some R&R. Sadly, they weren't half as funny as the serial!
The flights to Port Blair are such, that if leaving from Delhi, you arrive only around noon; by the time you collect your bags and get out of the airport, you've missed the last ferry to the islands, so an overnight stay in Port Blair is inevitable. In itself, this is not a bad thing, because the city is interesting and has much to offer – unfortunately, we made the mistake of choosing to spend the night at Megapode...
Sited at the top of a hill overlooking the sea, 3-star hotel has some of the best views available; what it doesn't have is service of any kind. Run by government, it is staffed by employees who – knowing that they have permanent, pensionable jobs – couldn't care less about their customers.
The experience began at the check in desk, where a seriously sour-faced woman thumped a register under my nose and pointed to it to indicate that I should sign in. Formalities complete, we walked over to the restaurant, hoping to get a beer and some lunch. We found ourselves the only customers in the entire place, and yet the man at the counter had to be called over to provide menus after we'd been waiting at a table for more than five minutes – he was too busy reading his newspaper! "No beer in the restaurant sir," said he with a smirk, "If you want beer, you have to go to the bar". Oh, and after we'd spent some time looking at the menu and deciding what to order, he very kindly informed us that lunch was a buffet.
Deciding to order room service (in the hope of being able to get both the beer and the food at the same time and in the same place), we went back to our rooms. Only to be told when we called, that the kitchen was now closed – this, at five minutes past two in the afternoon, and less than 5 minutes after we'd left the restaurant! Wtf??
Ok, so let's order some snacks from the bar, thought we – surely they can bring some food over with the beers? Yes sir, said the bartender finally, reluctantly delivering some hastily warmed up kababs and a couple of beers after much persuasion. Sadly, he omitted to mention the fact that he was closing up in 15 minutes, so when we thirstily wanted a refill, there was none to be had. Sigh!
But the icing on the cake came the next morning – booked to catch a 9 am ferry, we were only too happy to leave at the hotel's ungodly check out time of 7.30 am. Only to discover that breakfast – paid for and included in the very high tariff – would not be available before 7.30 am. Excuse me? Guests should check out at 7.30 am, but they can't get any breakfast before that hour? Why include it then in the general scheme of things at all??
Unlike Hotel California, we were fortunately able to check out AND leave (much to my relief), after paying vast quantities of money for what was essentially little more than a bed and bath. The entire experience was reminiscent of stories people used to tell about Aeroflot in its USSR days – "Vill you haf tea or coffee sir?"
"Coffee, I think"
"We haf no coffee. You vill haf tea!"
Unfortunately, the Megapode Hotel, which could have been so much more, is just another argument for government staying away from non-essential services like making bread or running tourist resorts. For an economy as heavily dependent on tourism as the Andamans, it beggars belief that this expensive hotel can continue to run in this fashion. Except for the view, it had absolutely NOTHING with which to redeem itself. And yet, it will continue to function in this lackadaisical and inefficient fashion, only so that it can be used occasionally by holidaying bureaucrats. At the taxpayers' expense, of course.
PS – The Port Blair airport, one discovered on the way out, has a VIP Lounge and a Conference Room, no doubt for all the self-important politicos and bureaucrats passing through to holiday in the islands. But no restaurant for paying customers. What can I say?
The flights to Port Blair are such, that if leaving from Delhi, you arrive only around noon; by the time you collect your bags and get out of the airport, you've missed the last ferry to the islands, so an overnight stay in Port Blair is inevitable. In itself, this is not a bad thing, because the city is interesting and has much to offer – unfortunately, we made the mistake of choosing to spend the night at Megapode...
Sited at the top of a hill overlooking the sea, 3-star hotel has some of the best views available; what it doesn't have is service of any kind. Run by government, it is staffed by employees who – knowing that they have permanent, pensionable jobs – couldn't care less about their customers.
The experience began at the check in desk, where a seriously sour-faced woman thumped a register under my nose and pointed to it to indicate that I should sign in. Formalities complete, we walked over to the restaurant, hoping to get a beer and some lunch. We found ourselves the only customers in the entire place, and yet the man at the counter had to be called over to provide menus after we'd been waiting at a table for more than five minutes – he was too busy reading his newspaper! "No beer in the restaurant sir," said he with a smirk, "If you want beer, you have to go to the bar". Oh, and after we'd spent some time looking at the menu and deciding what to order, he very kindly informed us that lunch was a buffet.
Deciding to order room service (in the hope of being able to get both the beer and the food at the same time and in the same place), we went back to our rooms. Only to be told when we called, that the kitchen was now closed – this, at five minutes past two in the afternoon, and less than 5 minutes after we'd left the restaurant! Wtf??
Ok, so let's order some snacks from the bar, thought we – surely they can bring some food over with the beers? Yes sir, said the bartender finally, reluctantly delivering some hastily warmed up kababs and a couple of beers after much persuasion. Sadly, he omitted to mention the fact that he was closing up in 15 minutes, so when we thirstily wanted a refill, there was none to be had. Sigh!
But the icing on the cake came the next morning – booked to catch a 9 am ferry, we were only too happy to leave at the hotel's ungodly check out time of 7.30 am. Only to discover that breakfast – paid for and included in the very high tariff – would not be available before 7.30 am. Excuse me? Guests should check out at 7.30 am, but they can't get any breakfast before that hour? Why include it then in the general scheme of things at all??
Unlike Hotel California, we were fortunately able to check out AND leave (much to my relief), after paying vast quantities of money for what was essentially little more than a bed and bath. The entire experience was reminiscent of stories people used to tell about Aeroflot in its USSR days – "Vill you haf tea or coffee sir?"
"Coffee, I think"
"We haf no coffee. You vill haf tea!"
Unfortunately, the Megapode Hotel, which could have been so much more, is just another argument for government staying away from non-essential services like making bread or running tourist resorts. For an economy as heavily dependent on tourism as the Andamans, it beggars belief that this expensive hotel can continue to run in this fashion. Except for the view, it had absolutely NOTHING with which to redeem itself. And yet, it will continue to function in this lackadaisical and inefficient fashion, only so that it can be used occasionally by holidaying bureaucrats. At the taxpayers' expense, of course.
PS – The Port Blair airport, one discovered on the way out, has a VIP Lounge and a Conference Room, no doubt for all the self-important politicos and bureaucrats passing through to holiday in the islands. But no restaurant for paying customers. What can I say?
