Election Fever

It’ a funny thing, and I don’t know if you’ve ever thought about it, but sometimes I think our poor leaders are more to be pitied than censured.  All those speeches and full page ads in the newspapers talking about the wonderful work their Ministry has done and how they’ve changed administration and the common man’s life?  All the news conferences and TV discussions outlining their achievements, and the new things they’ve introduced?  They actually believe all this stuff.

Try to see it from their point of view – they’ve spent hours dreaming up ways to spend the taxpayer’s money, hours with the Secretary of the Department and all their officials, hours discussing various schemes and policies, tweaking them, approving them.  And these Secretaries and such like are all good guys, right?  When they say “Yes Minister”, surely it means that things are going to get done?  After all, they’re not like the grotty little babus (GLB) in the bijli-pani and Sales Tax departments that the mango people have to deal with; no sir, these are sophisticated, English-speaking (remember the Secretary who wasn’t?  PC sure showed him his place!), well educated, good guys, you know?

So it is actually quite inconceivable for our netas to imagine that once they’ve cleared the files and announced the schemes, there should be anything left to do.  The rest, they assume, shall follow.  As of course, do their happy-to-oblige, eager-to-please officials once they’ve passed on the files to their subordinates.

The problem is that these darn schemes need to be implemented by the GLBs.  Uh oh, you might say at this point, I can see where this is going now.  And you would be right; the big problem for us mango types is that all the grand schemes actually need to be interpreted and implemented by the GLBs!

So here’s the thing.  Ever since I moved to Gurgaon from Delh three years ago, I’ve been trying to enrol myself as a voter.  No dice.  Each time, my application has been rejected because I can’t supply a proof of residence in the form specified.  I live in a rented apartment – so the power, water, phone bills are not in my name.  I can’t get a passport, because I can’t provide the self-same proof of residence.  My UID card has my permanent address on it, so that’s no good either.

This time round, the netas and the good guys announced that they wanted to encourage more people to vote.  And since Gurgaon has a large floating population, they announced that rent agreements would serve as an equally valid proof of residence.  What a very forward thinking policy; you can imagine how ecstatic it made me.  I promptly trotted off to do my public duty and enrol in the voter list.

Filled form in hand, I arrived at the Secretariat, full of civic enthusiasm and zeal.  “Yeh faaram yahan nahin jama hoga, bhaiya”, said the paan-chewing, ancient GLB at the voter registration desk.  “Le jaao isse yahan se!”  Only after much entreaty did he relent enough to casually toss out the details of the correct recipient.

Unfazed, I drove halfway across town to where the GLB had directed me, only to find that the receiving GLB had shut shop for the day and left for a “meeting in the Secretariat”.  Come back tomorrow, the other GLBs advised helpfully.  Omitting of course, to mention that tomorrow was the last date for submission of the forms.

The next day, the concerned GLB was actually there, and very helpful in accepting my form.  Except that... “Kaushik sahib, this rent agreement won’t really do; I need some other proof of residence.  Maybe your passport?  Or water or electricity bill?” she said.

Aaarrgghh!  See what I mean?  No amount of pleading would make her agree that there was any provision for accepting rent agreements as proof of residence; she was implacable.  Seething, I went back home again to collect copies of mobile phone bills and bank statements, which she accepted graciously.

Guess what?  My application was rejected again, for want of proof of residence.  Which means I won’t be voting in this election.  Or in the next I guess.  Although considering the choices available, perhaps I would just have used the NOTA option; but that’s another story...!